I rarely wear dresses. I like skirts better but I don't wear them that often. I ended up wearing a tie for my cousin's funeral but the reason I wore the tie was that I ended up being a pall bearer (it's weird to hear that a girl would be able to do that) and I felt like fitting in with the guys. The tie was humorous and my cousin would have enjoyed it too.

After my cousin's funeral, my best friend asks me to be her maid of honor for her proper wedding. She is already married but everybody wants a proper ceremony between my friend and her husband. On Wednesday, Beep and I ended up going to David's Bridal and tried on dresses. One of the choices I picked out was a different color version of the dress Beep picked out for her sister Kim's wedding. Beep's colors are black, red, and white. Kim's colors were different shades of lilac. There's two definite possibilities for the dresses I'm considering. After the next fitting with the "adoptive" mother tomorrow, there'll be actual pictures of me in the dresses. There would be pictures of the dresses now but David's Bridal site isn't showing a way for me to post the pictures on here.

I know it's been awhile since I've posted something but when I looked at the date of my last post, I didn't think it had been that long! If you don't feel like reading something that's kind of depressing, I suggest you move onto something else.

One of my cousins died today at the age of 27. A little after the Larson Christmas Exchange, she was diagnosed with leukemia. The general cause of why she passed away was not from the cancer but the drugs she was on because of the cancer. She ended up going to the hospital last week because of heart problems. This situation along with other things that have happened in the past few days has got me thinking about stuff.

When I went to my meeting this past week, the topic was about faith. One of the people in the meeting said that I had a pretty good comment. I ended up talking about the car accident I was in when I was 17. There was something that saved me and the people that were in my car that day. I have always thought that it was interesting when we were told that the paramedics that went through my car found an angel charm in the back seat. They said that something was watching over my car that day and that's why 4 teenagers came out of that accident alive. I remember when my mom and I saw my car that we both were in shock to even try and imagine what could've happened. I wouldn't want to imagine how my mom would've been like if she had to bury her only child. I couldn't imagine what my aunt is going to be going through when she has to deal with the arrangements for my cousin.

The rest of my comment at the meeting was about losing my mom. About two years after my accident, my mom passed away (she was only 53). For awhile, I couldn't be anywhere near my house. It took me quite some time to get used to things once I started staying at the house again. I realized that there was something that was making me live my life though. I'm guessing that the force would be faith but I'm still not too familiar with it. Now the relationship I have with my mom is kinda good. I know this sounds wierd since she is gone, but everytime I go into New Haven I end up saying, "hi Mommy!" when I pass the cemetary she's in. When there's something big happening with my life, I stop by the grave site and talk to her.

With all of the thoughts going through my head, there's one general idea that kind of binds them: People seem to take life for granted at times. There's always a tomorrow to some. One of these days, there isn't going to be a tomorrow. Get out there, live your life, and do the stupid stuff so you can learn from it! Hopefully, you can look back when you're in your last days and enjoy the stuff that you've done.

• The random word that came out of my "adoptive" dad's was "genie-ass". I replied, "so does that mean a genie is going to come out of your ass?" Beeper replied with something like, "we'll know when that happens."
• Beeper's brother-in-law called yesterday and would not stop talking with a deep southern accent.
• Zella is just being a normal blonde too